From My Notebook – Part (?) – October 11th, 2015

As the title puts it, I’m taking some of the notes I write on a notebook and I’m posting them here. This blog post isn’t the first one I took from this notebook, but it will be the start of a sequence of blog posts that may or may not be related. I’ll add dates to the blog posts so that you know that I did not spontaneously come up with the idea. Honestly, I almost never come up with an idea quickly. Anyways, this was a long introduction to this post. I hope you enjoy it!


October 11th, 2015.

Okay so no I’m in a new life; university, living on my own, and NEW PEN. (If this ends up on my blog, I am such a loser when it comes to ideas)

I felt the need to express myself, although I don’t feel from who I am (or at least who I believe I am).

This notebook turned from a song book to a book of ideas expressed by me (Captain Obvious). I don’t know how to feel about this.

Now the real deal. Have you ever been in a “fight” with someone you really cared for, and now this friendship is just dust particles, sound waves and memories? I’m sure I have. When you try to make  up for things, it gets worse instead of getting better. According to me previous note (and in this case, blog), I said that being a good person might be the only ticket to heaven when you’re in your own hell. I’m still positive about that. Being a good person will never fail you. It will put you back up and tell you that the fight is worth it, struggling will pay off, and it will always end well.

NEVER FORGET THIS.

BE A GOOD PERSON.

-Chris K.

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It’ll pay off.

You try to be the worst person you can be until you realize that your worst is simply too good. Not until you have to face reality does being good hit you in the face.

It’s not fair how the good die young (Scorpions reference). It’s not the physical death you know of. Imagine yourself dying just to lay down in flames.”Wow, I’m a crappy person” and you try to escape it but it’s too late to fix anything. Sometimes being too good doesn’t pay off instantly; it’s probably just the ticket to heaven that you need when you’re in your own hell.

Never underestimate your power to be the best person you can be. It has no limit what so ever. Just be the person you want other people to be with you (except if you wouldn’t mind being flushed down the toilet).

“What am I getting from this?” You’re probably not getting more than a sincere “Thank You”, probably a friendly hug too.

Why do this? Because it is the right thing to do. Because you are human just like every other person in this world.

The feeling you give someone when you help them is probably the best feeling in the world.

Do yourself a favor; help others. It’ll pay off. I promise.

Stay awesome and don’t be a Chris, keep blogging!

-Chris K.

Random 12 AM Thoughts

So I had nothing to do and I don’t feel sleepy at all. I decided to listen to some music while I put together this random post. I’m currently listening to some All Time Low songs because I can relate  to their songs, mainly Somewhere in Neverland,  a lot. At this point in my very short  life, I guess it pretty much puts the past 18 years I’ve been alive in a nutshell.

My graduation ceremony is on Monday. I still can’t believe that I’m done with high school and all the douches there. I’m not too happy though because I’m leaving my closest friend there and this doesn’t feel good at all. But on the bright side, I don’t have to deal with some douchebags who complain about my videos being stupid. I’m better off without their trash talk. If I want to film a video, I’m going to film it and upload it without asking for an opinion.

Other than that, I still have to study for my official exams, and I’m not too excited about that because I just want to start my summer vacation already. I want to go out with friends and stay up all night chatting with new people, discover new places, play some music for people I don’t necessarily know, overall enjoy my vacation before I begin my first year of college. I really don’t want this summer to be a boring and unproductive one like every year.

Let’s talk about more random stuff. The weather is literally going crazy. I don’t know whether to wear a pullover over my t-shirt or just go out without it. Mother Nature is playing us. The temperature two days ago here was 37 degrees Celsius, and I live in a mountain village. THIS IS NOT OKAY.

Damn I just want to get over with all this. Like pronto. On the bright side, I can sleep in and no one would care less because I’m done with regular school schedules for a good 3 months now. At least until I start college. The college I chose is far from home too so that’s a new experience. I’m not leaving Lebanon though, I’m still here. I’m just moving to another district in Lebanon, and stuff.

I think this is my longest blog post at the moment. I usually like to keep it concise. But I really feel like putting some of my thought online to entertain any person out there.

To everyone reading this, I genuinely love you so much it could cut a piece of titanium in half. Peace ❤

– Chris K.

A Message

Once you feel like you’re done, nothing but denying your past, a thread of thought gets you thinking about what you lost.

You find comfort  alone, in a room full of people, people who see you suffer yet leave you fall. They don’t see but blood dripping from the blades, blades that rip your soul apart. They see your bruises, but don’t cry. It’ll be over, I promise.

Hitting your knuckles hard on the walls that witnessed the not-so-pleasant scenes. You’re dealing with the cruel world, but you’re not alone.

Don’t let them call you a travesty, don’t let the blades serenade you.

Let the sound of madness escape your heart, let the echo of the names reside in their graves. Let your heart lead you, let your eyes teach you that bullies are yet to fall. You won’t escape this though because the good finish last.

Put down your blades, climb up the trench. You deserve to live rather than them.

As you raise your head you will see the light, not your death but the end of the fight. Never give up on your precious life because you’re just as bright as the stars at night.

-Chris K.

It’s All Over (Original Lyrics)

It’s been so long since I’ve seen your face

When we had everything, yeah everything

But now my gut is just filled with hate and I don’t give a damn about how you feel

All that remains is the old broken promises

The ones I made when I was numb

The ones that made me feel so happy

The ones you blindly believed, the ones I didn’t keep

Trust me I see your misery, your eyes burning with despair

I can’t help you anymore, you didn’t want my help

The monsters inside us pull us apart, but their voices are apologizing

It’s keeping us away, it’s so not fair

Sometimes you start to wonder whether it’s all worth fighting for

Sometimes you start to think about letting all this go

But you hang on to your past like it’s a trap you fell in and you forget that what matters now is your happiness

And it’s all over.

Socially Awkward

I’m about as awkward as a penguin in a flock of chicken

Yeah, many of the teenagers of our day are socially awkward. What is even cooler is that the kids who are socially awkward are often bullied for it and treated like trash because of it. I can’t see where this could possibly go wrong.

If you bully that kid who doesn’t talk to anyone during breaks, would it make his problem any better? Would that help him feel that other people care about him? Would that encourage him to make new friends and start talking to new people? Would that make him feel loved?

When you push this “weird” kid to resort to self harm, and then say that he’s seeking attention, don’t you think the razor blade is giving him a little too much attention because you’re not?

Don’t you see that you are forcing people to develop a psychological problem they can never resolve without the help of others?

How would it feel if you were bullied because you stutter while talking? Or because of the way your hands tremble when you stand in front of an acquaintance? Or because of the way you try to avoid eye contact with people you don’t know?

It would be funny, wouldn’t it be?

To every person who got bullied because of the way they dress, the way they look, or the things they do, I feel you, and I Love You.

– Chris K.

Bands and my life

Yes, this might be a cliché topic. But bands surely taught me things no teacher can teach.
When you go to school, they teach you how to solve an equation to find X, how to respect rules, how to become “successful”. But you know what they don’t teach you? They don’t teach you how to be happy. They don’t teach you how to make other people happy.
You know the feeling of watching your favorite band perform live? I personally havent been to many concerts, but I can tell you that the ones I went to made me feel happy.
My obsession over Against the Current and All Time Low didn’t just come down from the skies and hit me on the head. The way the band members interact with their fans makes them so awesome, they dont even have to try to make people happy. It just comes naturally with their own personalities.
Can school teach you how to be happy the way you favorite band can? I bet you not.
Don’t be embarrased that you like bands. You are just as happy as that tool who just got an iPhone 6+, maybe even more because your favorite band doesn’t come in different colors.
I know i went off-topic right now, but the point is that bands saved me stress, and they taught me that there is more to life than just being “successful”.

– Chris K.