A new phase.

Welcome back, Chris. It’s been a while since you got off your lazy ass and started writing again. I wanted to share part of what is going on in my mind these days, how my logic is functioning and how I’m putting it to use in my life.

For the few people who don’t already know, I have an unreal love for mathematics. Last year, I was an engineering student. Today  I’m a maths major and I honestly couldn’t be any happier with my new major. My point is, look for what you love and do it, no matter the obstacles. It’s your personal satisfaction that is more important, not anyone else’s.

Another important decision I made a while back is to keep my personal life to myself. It’s hard when you voluntarily dismiss the opportunity to open up to someone, but it pays off quickly. Comming from a very sensitive person, keeping your personal life to yourself is harder than it seems. I’ve made a choice of the people I’d open up to only when I’m about to snap, and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made so far. It has rendered me more stable around my many social groups and when I’m alone by myself, believe it or not.

While I’m on the topic of keeping things to myself, a very important thing I’m keeping to myself is the music I write. I’ve noticed that once I share some of the music I write, I discover all the flaws of it (the ones that I personally consider flaws) and i start disliking it to the point where I give up on my projects. By not sharing, I started writing more songs, ones that I enjoy more than anthing I’ve written in a long while. Also, whenever I find something I dislike about my songs, I can change them and nobody has to know of m mistakes/bad ideas unless I inform them. My confidence in playing guitar has never been higher.

Well that was a little anecdote from my life the past few months. I hope this helps someone take a right decision.Until the next time!

Stay awesome and Keep Blogging!

– Chris K.

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Wind of Change

Prelude:

This post is more of a reflection upon myself more than it is to generalize an idea for everyone. This is purely my own thought and my own reflection that I wanted to share on my blog, Against the Chris K. I also started with this blog post a while ago and I just got the chance to finish it off.


 

Well, I’ve been through a lot in the past few months and I would love to talk about the main thing that occurred to me. In general I have transformed into someone different, someone with different interests than staying up all night to talk to friends. I stopped caring about people’s opinions or their analysis of my actions with them, while some of these people where actually changing in a way that I didn’t even feel any difference while talking to them. It kept the same vibe and the same overall mood between me and many people. Now, enough blabbering. What DID change in me?

Let’s start off with the obvious one; I started my college life. As an only child who is somewhat an introvert, it is kind of tough to kick start a smooth first year in college. I’m coping with it as much as I can but it still isn’t the best I can do. Other than that, coming from a modest family with savings that are just the right amount, tuition fees are a real pain in the ass. I’m not working and paying off my tuition fees on my own, but I can feel my parents’ pain when I tell them that my college posted my payment slip and the deadline is in a few weeks. I’ve become more conscious of my spending of money and I am trying to save as much as I can to just feel like I’m helping my parents out in some way.

Next up; not being sure about my future. Now, I’m pretty sure I won’t use my degree (it’s an engineering degree, call me crazy), but honestly I’m really into engineering because I have a love for Mathematics and physics in general (mostly mathematics). What I REALLY want to do for the rest of my life is play and write music for people to enjoy.  Coming from a very uptight background and a very strict community which believes that ‘if you’re not a doctor, engineer, lawyer or architect, you will be jobless and live a miserable life’, it’s very tough to tell your parents that. I honestly think that this is complete BS because one is miserable only when they’re doing something knowing their efforts are in vain. If you can’t do what you feel most comfortable doing, then what’s the point of it? Okay sure, I love solving differential equations and finding if a series converges or diverges. But I don’t see myself doing that years from now. I see myself hugging fans and playing some good music to people who would sing back to me the lyrics I put from my own heart.

And as stated previously, I’m an introvert. I have an undying fear of rejection and of not fitting in. I’m not good with talking to people I never chilled with before (it sounds confusing but really it’s very simple). I would rather stay aside and not talk to anyone rather than socialize with a random person. I hate crowded places. I’m overall not good with people I don’t know (or barely know). It’s hard for me personally to get out of my comfort zone (although compared to previous years, I’ve improved greatly when it comes socializing). Being in a place where I know absolutely nobody will be a place that I utterly hate. Now, don’t get me wrong. I made friends in college, but we don’t have the exact same schedules so I barely see them. I’m working on bettering my social skills but this will take a long time to get to.

That’s all for now. Stay awesome and Keep Blogging!

-Chris K.

From My Notebook – Part (?) – October 11th, 2015

As the title puts it, I’m taking some of the notes I write on a notebook and I’m posting them here. This blog post isn’t the first one I took from this notebook, but it will be the start of a sequence of blog posts that may or may not be related. I’ll add dates to the blog posts so that you know that I did not spontaneously come up with the idea. Honestly, I almost never come up with an idea quickly. Anyways, this was a long introduction to this post. I hope you enjoy it!


October 11th, 2015.

Okay so no I’m in a new life; university, living on my own, and NEW PEN. (If this ends up on my blog, I am such a loser when it comes to ideas)

I felt the need to express myself, although I don’t feel from who I am (or at least who I believe I am).

This notebook turned from a song book to a book of ideas expressed by me (Captain Obvious). I don’t know how to feel about this.

Now the real deal. Have you ever been in a “fight” with someone you really cared for, and now this friendship is just dust particles, sound waves and memories? I’m sure I have. When you try to make  up for things, it gets worse instead of getting better. According to me previous note (and in this case, blog), I said that being a good person might be the only ticket to heaven when you’re in your own hell. I’m still positive about that. Being a good person will never fail you. It will put you back up and tell you that the fight is worth it, struggling will pay off, and it will always end well.

NEVER FORGET THIS.

BE A GOOD PERSON.

-Chris K.

It’ll pay off.

You try to be the worst person you can be until you realize that your worst is simply too good. Not until you have to face reality does being good hit you in the face.

It’s not fair how the good die young (Scorpions reference). It’s not the physical death you know of. Imagine yourself dying just to lay down in flames.”Wow, I’m a crappy person” and you try to escape it but it’s too late to fix anything. Sometimes being too good doesn’t pay off instantly; it’s probably just the ticket to heaven that you need when you’re in your own hell.

Never underestimate your power to be the best person you can be. It has no limit what so ever. Just be the person you want other people to be with you (except if you wouldn’t mind being flushed down the toilet).

“What am I getting from this?” You’re probably not getting more than a sincere “Thank You”, probably a friendly hug too.

Why do this? Because it is the right thing to do. Because you are human just like every other person in this world.

The feeling you give someone when you help them is probably the best feeling in the world.

Do yourself a favor; help others. It’ll pay off. I promise.

Stay awesome and don’t be a Chris, keep blogging!

-Chris K.

Random 12 AM Thoughts

So I had nothing to do and I don’t feel sleepy at all. I decided to listen to some music while I put together this random post. I’m currently listening to some All Time Low songs because I can relate  to their songs, mainly Somewhere in Neverland,  a lot. At this point in my very short  life, I guess it pretty much puts the past 18 years I’ve been alive in a nutshell.

My graduation ceremony is on Monday. I still can’t believe that I’m done with high school and all the douches there. I’m not too happy though because I’m leaving my closest friend there and this doesn’t feel good at all. But on the bright side, I don’t have to deal with some douchebags who complain about my videos being stupid. I’m better off without their trash talk. If I want to film a video, I’m going to film it and upload it without asking for an opinion.

Other than that, I still have to study for my official exams, and I’m not too excited about that because I just want to start my summer vacation already. I want to go out with friends and stay up all night chatting with new people, discover new places, play some music for people I don’t necessarily know, overall enjoy my vacation before I begin my first year of college. I really don’t want this summer to be a boring and unproductive one like every year.

Let’s talk about more random stuff. The weather is literally going crazy. I don’t know whether to wear a pullover over my t-shirt or just go out without it. Mother Nature is playing us. The temperature two days ago here was 37 degrees Celsius, and I live in a mountain village. THIS IS NOT OKAY.

Damn I just want to get over with all this. Like pronto. On the bright side, I can sleep in and no one would care less because I’m done with regular school schedules for a good 3 months now. At least until I start college. The college I chose is far from home too so that’s a new experience. I’m not leaving Lebanon though, I’m still here. I’m just moving to another district in Lebanon, and stuff.

I think this is my longest blog post at the moment. I usually like to keep it concise. But I really feel like putting some of my thought online to entertain any person out there.

To everyone reading this, I genuinely love you so much it could cut a piece of titanium in half. Peace ❤

– Chris K.

Catharsis 

I thought this would be a reflection of my thoughts at the moment. So I’m turning it into a blog post.

Do you ever feel like you just need a break? A break from nothing specific. Simply a break to just clear out for a while and think about nothing.

But woah there champ, do you even know why you want the break? Why do you feel tired, exhausted, fed up ect. ? 

Are you tired of dealing with whatever is happening at home? Are you tired of studying so hard that you end up panicking during your test? Are you tired of dealing with fake people who pretend to be your friends? Are you tired of being ignored and taken for granted?

You’re not. You’re tired because you’re convinced that you are.

You will get up, dust yourself off and continue doing what you started doing, because you are not weak. You are strong. You can deal with this. Take a break for yourself because you need some energy to carry on. Don’t take a break to escape these problems. Take a break to face them and burn them down. Take a break to prove yourself to yourself. 

It might not feel all too well right now, but you will be the best at what you want to do once you finish it. This is your catharsis. Accomplishment of goals is a catharsis. Stay strong, I Love You.

– Chris K.